New Pics, New Me

It is interesting to look around a place where you found out your diagnosis but now are living cancer free. What once was, is not where you used to be and you try to navigate this new side of you. Here are my thoughts of changing my place to reflect my return to a “normal” life after a diagnosis.

So…
I put up new pictures in my place today…
Any other time, this would not be a big deal, of course!
Over time we all alter and change, so with time we “renew” our home surroundings to match our life, right?
Well, what happens when you feel your life has been on hold since you put pictures up last?
What happens when you live, but feel snuck in a moment of time you know you can never go back to? What happens when what you feel and see about yourself doesn’t reflect the old pictures, but you cant really pinpoint how you see and view yourself now??
Clearly these 3 year old pictures aren’t who I am, but I feel they are a reflection of the last time I was ME!
They reflect a time when cancer was no where on my radar and life as a 36 year old was just as it needed to be.
These pictures…
These 5×7’s that show a smile that I once gave without hesitation… These 4×6’s that show life with true and honest no evidence of disease… These 10×13’s that show grace before the storm…
Why take them down?
Why leave them as a time capsule?
What is it about these pictures that keeps me at a distance?
It’s crazy what you notice when you pay attention
These 3 year old pictures reflected in my mind the place where I last felt in control of my life, where I was able to come and go as i please and not feel some sort of side effect or emotional affect of breast cancer…
When I stopped and thought about it, yeah, I am not the woman I was 3 years ago, but who is??
Yes, cancer has taken so much from me, things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
But, I had to come to a place where I was all right with where cancer has lead, and my home surroundings needed to reflect that!!
So now the smile displayed in that 5×7 shows endurance to stand despite hardship
That 4×6 reflects a life still NED but has truly fought to stand strong
That 10×13 now shines with gratitude and faith to know this isn’t the end!
The last 3 years are now displayed about a place where I found out about my disease but now honestly reflect this “new” me, my life and those that I have kept close to my heart…
Breast cancer didn’t beat me and now my walls are evidence of it!
So, you ask what did I do today?
I put new pictures up in my place today…