My Cancer Collage: Things I Honor & Highlight with My Personal Cancer Experience by Katie Dudas

Hello, my name is Katie. On the morning of Christmas Eve in 2019, I received the call that I had breast cancer. Not the ideal Christmas present. The news came four days after I was laid off from my full time job. To say my whole world changed that December is an understatement. What would follow would be months of tests to diagnose me as stage 2b, determine a treatment plan followed by 12 rounds of chemo, a bilateral mastectomy with partial reconstruction, 28 rounds of radiation, two upcoming reconstruction surgeries, and hormone suppression medication for the next several years. Whew! That’s a mouthful. I was also lucky enough to be able to go through fertility treatments and freeze seven little “eggies” beforehand.

I was fortunate enough to be able to share my cancer journey with others on social media. I tried my best to not sugar coat things, but we were going through a pandemic at the time. Oh yeah, here’s some good advice: Do not get cancer right before or during a pandemic. It absolutely complicates thing. 0/10 Do not recommend.

I’m going to be honest with you, cancer is annoying. It is stressful, painful, exhausting, and a total waste of time. I had better things to do besides tangle with cancer. But looking back on everything, it actually taught me so much about myself and the folks in my life.

Almost everything you see about cancer on tv or in movies, is lies. They make you think you get a couple tests then BOOM you have your staging and treatment plan. The following week you start your first round of treatment and you’re on your way! Unfortunately, that is hardly ever the case. They also never show the parts when you are dealing with side effects such as diarrhea and constipation. Yes, you do spend a majority of your cancer journey dealing with one or the other.

But through all that, cancer taught me how to be patient and slow down. I was constantly on the go and working a handful of jobs. And now I was stuck at home. I couldn’t see friends or family. The only time I got to leave the house was for appointments and walks outside. That was easy when I wasn’t feeling well. I didn’t mind the naps. But on my good days, it was so hard. I wanted to be doing things. I wanted to work. I wanted to feel productive. But it just wasn’t possible for me at the time. So I started doing things I enjoyed like reading young adult books because they were easy and light. Allowing myself to binge-watch a series on Netflix. I can’t tell you how many hours of Animal Crossing I played (and still play) on my Nintendo Switch. Finally giving myself permission to rest and recover. I learned to listen to my body. And holy cow, it had a lot to say! I realized it had been talking to me for a long time and I just wouldn’t slow down to listen.

It told me I had been embracing people and things that no longer served me. It told me I deserved a better work life balance. It told me it’s okay to slow down and regroup. It told me all kinds of things it liked and disliked. It’s wild what you learn about yourself if you’re just willing to slow down and listen.

I couldn’t believe the support I received after I announced my diagnosis. Even now, folks check in on me all the time. They send me funny things like they know when I need a laugh. They listen to me when I’m having a bad day. That’s another thing cancer and the pandemic taught me, being honest and open with my friends. During treatment, I was hesitant to reach out to my best friend because here I was complaining about needing three naps a day just to make it through and she was working full time from home and raising two kids. I was sure the last thing she wanted was me whining about all these naps I had to take. One day, I just outright said it and apologized. Turns out she felt bad about talking to me about how she was feeling because of everything I was going through. You will realize who is really in your circle and your circle is there for you no matter what. And if you can’t be there for them at the moment because you’re overwhelmed, they’ll understand. None of us are living perfect lives. Frankly, I don’t think any of us want “perfection”. Our messiness makes us unique and interesting.

I was and am still amazed by all the connections I’ve made in my life. Chance meetings or jobs years ago leading to new relationships. How visiting your hair stylist when it’s time to shave your head can cause you both to have way too much fun and start laughing so hard that the owner of the salon comes over to see what is happening and he connects you to the founder of a young adult cancer group which opens a whole new world of resources and introduces you to new lifelong friends. I’ve learned how kind others can be and how important it is to pay it forward when you can, however you can. The littlest acts of kindness can make a world of difference.

Also, the friends you make that have also been on a cancer journey are the best. So many times you’ll find yourself saying, “whew! I’m glad it’s not just me.” You feel like you’ve lost parts of your mind and body during this process, that it’s so good to hear you’re not the only one who has felt that way. When you can’t quite think of a word or when you say you’re having a bad brain day, they totally get it. You give them grace and learn that should extend that grace to yourself. And survivors and thrivers are amazing! They give you hope just by living their lives.

Cancer is such a unique journey. You can tailor it to your personality. For example, I am a very silly human. I had so much fun matching my fun leggings and socks for each appointment and treatment. Reminding myself that you can find joy in the every day things was an amazing cancer takeaway. Again, I had to slow down to see it. And heck, I deserved to see it. Some days are awful and it’s okay. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. Toxic positivity is a thing. Burying feelings only cause them to come back up later. Believe me, I’ve tried it. Again, do not recommend.

The knowledge I’ve gained on my cancer journey has allowed me to help others, to be a better friend, to be truer to myself, and taught me that I deserved better. I’ve made amazing connections and strengthened the ones I already had. I feel more like me than I have in a long time and I think that’s the best part.