Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Wow!!! I really turn 39 today! Am I the only one that looked up and wondered where the time has gone?! Like, wasn’t I just 25??

Being a cancer survivor has given me a whole new perspective on birthdays. Granted, I was grateful for every day God gave me, but I had a skewed vision surrounding today.

Let me paint a quick picture for you… Before breast cancer, my birthday was just another day. I would go to work, maybe have dinner with family and friends and proceed into the next day like the last. I had a sort of love-hate relationship with my birthday. For a long time, I felt like my birthday was just a reminder of the day I wasn’t wanted, a day that I wasn’t loved enough to be kept by my own flesh and blood. Why, you ask? Well, when I was born, I was given up for adoption and spent 7 months in foster care before being adopted by my amazing parents. I thought, “Why should I celebrate a day my bio mother chose to give me away?” It left me with a swirl of emotions that I really didn’t want to face or share. It was these feelings that kept me from really celebrating the day I was born into this world and kept me from seeing the blessing behind being given up.

SO… where do I stand now? How do I feel about this day I was birthed into the world?? I AM FREAKING GRATEFUL!!!

When you hear the words “you have cancer” it turns your world on its end. You never look at life the same. Before a treatment plan is formulated, you are basically given a 50/50 chance of living or dying. How does a 36-year-old take in those odds? How can you ever really be the same person after? I learned very quickly to face the reality of mortality and that I could not be here at all. It made me face my insecure, immature yet valid feelings surrounding my birthday. Yes, for whatever reason my birth mother felt I would have been better off with someone else. But in turn she gave me the best gift ever – life! A life I wouldn’t have without her! I am grateful for her mature action to choose to give me better than she could at the time. It has made me realize that life is precious, it is a gift you wake up every day.

I sometimes get upset with myself that I let the inadequacies of others dictate my feelings behind being born! We all know that there are circumstances out of our control, but we can control how we react to those circumstances! For so long, I let the actions of another shape how I looked and felt about my life. Being on the survivor’s side of cancer has made me realize life is what we make it. We may not like how it started or things that have happened, but we are still here to live another day. Another day to get it right, another day to make count – each one that we are blessed with. So today, I celebrate life; I pray you do the same!

Your’s Gratefully,